Love Spells: History, Ethics and How to Do One Yourself

A love spell is a ritual meant to attract love, strengthen a relationship or heal a heart, usually using simple tools: a candle, a jar of honey, herbs, rose petals and a written intention. People have cast love spells for at least two and a half thousand years, from ancient Greek papyri to hoodoo honey jars to TikTok candle rituals. Today the most widely respected approach is clear: focus a love spell on yourself, your confidence, your openness, your own heart, not on bending a specific person's will. That is the ethical way to do it, and it is also the honest one, because no spell can force another person to feel anything.

This guide covers where love spells come from, the ethics of consent, how to do a love spell yourself with two simple original rituals (a honey jar love spell and a love spell candle), plus fire safety and how to avoid love spell scams.

Quick note: if you were looking for Victoria's Secret "Love Spell" perfume, this is not that page. This one is about the other kind of love spell.

What Is a Love Spell?

A love spell is any ritual designed to influence love. That covers a wide range:

Type	Goal	Commonly seen as
Self-love spell	Confidence, self-worth, healing	Ethical
Attraction spell	Opening yourself to new love, no target	Ethical
Relationship harmony	Sweetness and communication in a willing couple	Ethical with consent
Closure or cord-cutting	Letting go of a past relationship	Ethical
Reconciliation ("bring back my ex")	Changing a named person's feelings	Ethically contested
Binding or obsession spell	Making a specific person devoted	Widely seen as unethical

Tools vary by tradition, but you will see the same ingredients again and again: candles (pink or red), honey or sugar for sweetness, roses, rose quartz, cinnamon, lavender, written names or petitions, and symbolic acts like tying, sealing or burning.

A Short History of Love Magic

Ancient Greece and Rome

Love magic is one of the best-documented kinds of ancient magic. The Greek Magical Papyri, a collection of spells written in Greco-Roman Egypt, include many erotic spells meant to draw a desired person. Archaeologists have also found lead "binding" tablets and figurines from the ancient Mediterranean aimed at compelling a particular lover. In literature, the Greek poet Theocritus wrote a famous poem, Idyll 2, in which a young woman named Simaetha performs a night-time ritual with a spinning magic wheel to bring back the man who abandoned her.

What stands out today is how many of these ancient love spells were about control. They aimed to force a specific person's desire, often in startlingly aggressive language. That history is one reason modern witches have thought so carefully about ethics.

Folk love magic and divination

Across Europe and America, much folk love magic was not about compelling anyone, but about finding out who your future love would be. Young people performed rituals on special nights like St. Agnes' Eve (January 20–21) or Halloween to dream of or glimpse a future spouse. The custom was well known enough that John Keats built a whole poem, "The Eve of St. Agnes" (1819), around it. Wedding cake under the pillow, apple-peel divination and similar charms belong to the same family. (We collect some of these in our guide to wedding superstitions.)

Hoodoo and the honey jar

In the American South, African American hoodoo, also called conjure or rootwork, developed a rich tradition of sweetening work: rituals that use honey, sugar or syrup to "sweeten" a person or situation toward you. The honey jar is the best-known example, and it has since spread into many modern witchcraft practices. When we share a honey jar ritual below, we are drawing on that heritage, and it is worth knowing where it comes from.

Modern witchcraft

Contemporary witchcraft and paganism largely reframed love magic. Many modern practitioners follow some version of "harm none" and treat consent as central. The result is the self-love and attraction focus you see across most reputable sources today, and in the more ethical corners of the Etsy witch world.

The Ethics of Love Spells: Self-Love vs. Targeting Someone

This is the most important section of the guide.

Spells aimed at a specific person (make him call, make her leave her partner, make them obsessed with me) try to override someone else's free will. Many witches refuse them, for reasons that apply whether or not you believe magic works:

1. Consent matters. Love that is compelled is not love that is given.
2. It keeps you fixed on one person. Which can make heartbreak last longer.
3. It invites manipulation. These are the requests most exploited by scammers, who promise results "in 24 hours" and then charge for curse removal when nothing happens.
4. Many traditions warn of return. The idea that what you send out comes back to you appears across many forms of modern witchcraft.

Self-focused love spells sidestep all of that. You are not asking the universe to change someone. You are asking for clarity, confidence, healing and openness, things that genuinely do shift when you spend focused time on them.

Ethical alternatives to common requests

Instead of...	Try a spell for...
"Make my crush love me"	Confidence to speak up, and attraction to people who are good for you
"Bring back my ex"	Closure, healing and readiness for what is next
"Make my partner commit"	Honest communication and harmony, done together if they are willing
"Make them jealous"	Self-worth, so their attention matters less

How to Do a Love Spell: Before You Begin

Every ritual below follows the same basic shape, which is a useful pattern for any spell:

1. Choose one clear intention. Write it in one sentence, in the present tense, focused on you.
2. Prepare your space. Tidy a small surface. Many people like to shower or wash their hands first as a symbolic cleanse.
3. Gather your tools. Keep it simple. Kitchen ingredients are fine.
4. Perform the ritual with attention. Slow down.
5. Close it. Say a closing line, snuff the candle, and put things away.
6. Act in the real world. Say yes to the invitation. Update the dating profile. Book the therapy appointment. Magic, in most traditions, expects you to meet it halfway.

Fire safety for candle spells

Both rituals below use candles, so take this seriously:

• Use a sturdy, heat-proof holder on a stable, uncluttered surface.
• Keep candles at least a foot from anything that can burn, including curtains, paper, dried herbs and rose petals, as the National Fire Protection Association recommends.
• Never leave a burning candle unattended or fall asleep with one lit.
• Keep children and pets away. Tie back long hair and loose sleeves.
• Do not burn candles all the way down; put them out before they reach the holder.
• If you rent, live in a dorm or just feel uneasy, use an LED candle. The intention is what counts.

Honey Jar Love Spell (Self-Love or Willing Couple)

This is our original take on a classic sweetening ritual, adapted for self-love or for a couple who both want more sweetness in their relationship.

You will need

• A small glass jar with a metal lid (a jam jar is perfect)
• Honey (enough to fill the jar about two-thirds)
• A small square of paper and a pen
• A pinch of dried rose petals, lavender or cinnamon (optional)
• A small pink or white chime candle or tealight
• A heat-proof plate

Steps

1. Write your petition. On the paper, write your intention. For self-love: "I am sweet to myself. I welcome love that is kind and true." For a willing couple: both names, and "Our love grows sweeter, more patient and more honest."
2. Fold it toward you (drawing in) and fold again.
3. Taste the honey. Take a small spoonful and say: "As this honey is sweet to me, so love is sweet to me." This is a traditional step in many sweetening rituals.
4. Add herbs to the jar if you are using them, naming what each brings: rose for love, lavender for peace, cinnamon for warmth.
5. Place the petition in the jar and pour honey over it until it is covered.
6. Seal the jar. Close the lid tightly.
7. Set the candle on the plate, not directly on a jar of anything flammable, and place the jar next to it. Light the candle.
8. Sit with it for a few minutes. Picture what sweetness in your love life would look and feel like day to day.
9. Snuff the candle when you are done. Keep the jar somewhere private.
10. Repeat once a week if you like, with a fresh candle, for as long as the intention feels alive.

When the intention feels complete, many practitioners bury the honey and paper in the earth or dispose of them respectfully, and wash the jar.

Why it is ethical: the petition is about you, or about a relationship where both people want the same thing. A honey jar with a third party's name in it, without their knowledge, is exactly the kind of spell we would skip.

Love Spell Candle Ritual (Attraction)

A quick ritual you can do in about fifteen minutes, ideally on a Friday (traditionally associated with Venus) or during a waxing moon, though any time is fine.

You will need

• A pink or red candle in a sturdy holder
• A toothpick or pin
• A drop of olive oil or any cooking oil (optional)
• A rose, or a few petals, kept well away from the flame
• A piece of paper and a pen

Steps

1. Write three qualities you want in a partner or a relationship, and three you already offer. For example: "kind, curious, honest" and "loyal, funny, generous."
2. Carve a symbol. With the toothpick, gently carve a small heart or your initials into the candle.
3. Dress the candle (optional): rub a tiny amount of oil from the middle toward the top, then from the middle toward the bottom, while picturing love moving toward you. Wipe your hands, and use only a drop so the candle does not flare.
4. Place the candle in its holder on a heat-proof surface. Put the rose or petals nearby, at least a foot away.
5. Light the candle and read your list aloud.
6. Speak your intention: "I am open to love that is good for me. I welcome it with an open heart, with harm to none."
7. Sit for five to ten minutes. Notice any thoughts or feelings that come up. Many people like to journal afterward.
8. Snuff the candle. You can relight it on following nights until it is used up, always attended.
9. Keep the list in your wallet or under your pillow.

Other simple love rituals

• Self-love bath: a handful of rose petals, a few drops of lavender oil, and a spoken affirmation while you soak.
• Rose quartz pocket charm: hold the stone, set your intention, carry it with you.
• Cord-cutting for closure: two candles connected by a string, burned (safely) until the string separates, to mark the end of a chapter.
• Love letter to yourself: write one, seal it, and open it in three months.

Traditional Love Spell Ingredients and Their Meanings

You do not need anything exotic. Most classic love spell ingredients are already in a kitchen or garden. Here is what they traditionally symbolize in modern witchcraft and folk practice:

Ingredient	Traditional association	Simple way to use it
Honey or sugar	Sweetness, attraction, kindness	Honey jars, a spoonful during ritual
Rose petals	Romance, love, beauty	Baths, jars, scattered around (not near) a candle
Rose quartz	Gentle, self-directed love	Carried as a pocket stone
Cinnamon	Warmth, passion, speed	A pinch in a jar or sachet
Lavender	Peace, calm, devotion	Baths, sachets under a pillow
Basil	Harmony in the home and relationship	A pot on the kitchen windowsill
Apples	Love and choice, from old divination customs	Shared with a partner as part of a ritual
Pink candle	Affection, self-love	Self-love and attraction rituals
Red candle	Passion, desire, courage	Passion and confidence rituals

Two practical notes: keep dried herbs and petals well away from open flame, and if you put anything in a bath or on your skin, check for allergies first.

After the Spell: What to Do Next

A love spell is the start of something, not the end. In the days and weeks afterward:

• Write down how you feel. A few lines in a journal help you notice subtle shifts in mood and confidence.
• Take one small real-world step. Message a friend about a setup, try a new class, update your profile, or have the honest conversation you have been avoiding.
• Be kind to yourself. If you cast a closure spell, grief can still come in waves. That is normal.
• Do not redo it out of anxiety. Repeating a ritual out of worry tends to feed the worry. Wait until it feels right.
• Notice who you are drawn to now. Attraction spells are often most useful as a mirror for what you actually want.

Should You Hire Someone for a Love Spell?

Many people buy love spells from practitioners online, especially from so-called Etsy witches. That can be a fun, low-stakes choice if you go in with clear eyes. Read our honest guide to Etsy witch love spells for what is on offer and what it costs, and our spell caster guide for the big red flags: guaranteed results, curse-removal upsells, escalating fees and promises to control a specific person. If you are wondering whether any of it does anything, see our honest look at whether Etsy witches work.

A simple rule: the more a love spell promises about someone else, the less you should trust it.

When Love Leads to a Wedding

Love spells are not our specialty. We focus on one very particular kind of magic: good-weather rituals for weddings. If your love story has reached the planning stage, you might enjoy our guide to weather spells or our original good weather ritual for your wedding. And if you would rather someone else hold that intention, our personal wedding weather ritual is performed for your date and venue with photo proof and a written blessing, honestly offered with no guarantees.

The Bottom Line

Love spells are as old as written magic, from Greek papyri and Theocritus' midnight ritual to hoodoo honey jars and modern candle work. The best modern love spells are focused on you: your confidence, your healing, your openness to love that is good for you. They respect other people's free will, they use fire safely, and they come with real-world action. No spell can make someone love you, and anyone who promises otherwise is selling something. But a honey jar on a quiet shelf or a pink candle on a Friday night can be a lovely way to tell yourself what you want, and to start acting like you deserve it.